Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sardine haiku -revisited

"Would you consider looking at that first line again though?" says Alan Summers, one of my cybermentors in haiku writing. He responded to my post;

leftover--
the sardine's eyes
dimming

And now here it is..

bright sun...
the sardine's eyes
dimming


Lampineung, July 26, 2009

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5 comments:

  1. hendraJuly 27, 2009 at 9:29 AM

    Mr basjir, you write fluently and eloquently about the technicality and the philosophy of haiku...thumb up

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wahyu W. BasjirJuly 27, 2009 at 9:54 AM

    Terimakasih, Mas Hendra. Saya baru mulai dan masih harus belajar banyak. Iri melihat puisi panjang Mas Hendra karena saya ndak pernah bisa menulis yang seperti itu..

    Salam hangat,
    Wahyu W. Basjir

    ReplyDelete
  3. bungabambuJuly 31, 2009 at 5:38 PM

    menyenangkan sekali berkenalan dengan penulis haiku dari Indonesia...
    haiku indonesia-nya mana, bung?
    selamat berkarya!

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownJuly 31, 2009 at 6:55 PM

    fisher's net -
    eyes of the sardines
    dimming

    Dear Wahyu thanks for visiting Lunch Break
    much love
    gillena

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wahyu W. BasjirAugust 3, 2009 at 6:00 PM

    Bungabambu; Terimakasih sudah berkunjung, Mas. Saya baru mulai belajar menulis haiku dalam bahasa Inggris. Kapan-kapan saya akan mencoba menulis haiku dalam bahasa Indonesia..

    Gillena: Thanks for visiting me back, Gillena. I can't stop digesting the dishes on your Lunch Break...

    ReplyDelete

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